we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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