I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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