I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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