remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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