Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
