New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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