can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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