i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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