At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're like the curious george of whores
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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