I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
