I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
