Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
