in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
