can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
