I can't watch pbs sober anymore
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
