Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
