i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
