so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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