Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
