It's like God shit irony all over that family
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
