I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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