I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
