i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
