During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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