It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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