So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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