He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
