if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
