Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
