she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I understand Curling. That high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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