I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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