I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
