I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
