Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When are your genitals available?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
