I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
