"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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