theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
