Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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