im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Randomize
