so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
