I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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