it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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