I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
