I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
