some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
