If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
