She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
