I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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