I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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