1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
