Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
