my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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