the condom got lost in my hair
it hurts more in the daytime
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
