3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
