Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
