U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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