why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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