Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
