Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
