I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
