Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
