I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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