did you get engaged???
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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