He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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