he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
