I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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