the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize