Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
