I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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