If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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