omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Drunk is a universal language darling
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