He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize