I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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