I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
