Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize