Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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