Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
