i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
