I heard we made out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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