I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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