R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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