New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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