so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
