If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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