Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
