I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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