So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize