I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
