i think my mom watched the whole time
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
