this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize