The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
