My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
