It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize