i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
